Tuesday, May 04, 2010


Early on, I believe that we establish what it is to sense whether or not we are in control. Cognitively, it feels better to be in control, ones ego is in check and we are then able to perceive growth and maintain a sense of balance, regardless of the situation.

As we grow older, we establish specific patterns stemming from this early sense that allow us to remain in check emotionally, physically and beyond. Even if it's some kind of ordered chaos, there is always present a sense of being able to navigate through a multitude of life situations.

When we lose control is the time the real test of integral thinking comes into play. Losing control seriously challenges people to look at themselves and then look far beyond to gain perspective. And, for me personally, it continues to be one of the biggest learning experiences ever.

You literally have to lose control of a situation to understand what drives you. What allows you to be as healthy and productive as possible when you cannot put your hand within reach. Where do you derive strength to undertake the tremendous ability of letting go and not allowing control to define you. It's seriously mind blowing to someone who has looked at control as immeasurable false protection from pain, not realizing how much of the situation wasn't mine to control in the first place and how imperative it is to just give it up, ego rebalanced and space allowed for immeasurable growth. Absolutely freaking mind blowing as I experience this more and more, wanting that space and re-balance but holding on to it for dear life for fear of pain.

It's ego. And as someone who has spent most of my adult life in some kind of addiction, the ego is a very fragile being. To just allow things to happen, to the ego, is rough. To the soul, it's truly necessary. It gives the two diametric opposites a chance to rest and intertwine once again. Definitely a challenge.

But I'm learning that just as that control is necessary for balance, so is letting go, if only briefly to recoup the senses. You just choose the elements that are the most balanced at that time and focus there. You let go of the rest.

And I believe when this happens, you wake up with less of a proverbial mental hangover and gain just a SHRED of clarity.

Imagine that.


Mary Nevin said...

beautiful post! such a poignant idea that to understand your motives in a situation, you have to not be the one in control of it. i may use that as my next meeting topic. i'm glad to see a new post from you, it's been too long!

Syd said...

Awesome. I do much better when I let go and strive to not control other people, places and things. I wonder when the controlling part of me became such a part of my life. I'm sure it was when I was young. It's good to be more aware of having a control issue and doing something about it.

Bobby said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am sure that as you continue to grow in your recovery you will continue to grow emotionally as well. Keep striving for clarity. Like the tides, it will come and it will go.

Schuyler said...

Thank you for this post (and the last was wonderful as well. Thank you also for all that you do for the community of alcoholics and ex-alcoholics. As someone who's grandmother was an alcoholic, I know has alcohol can damage you. Thank you for all that you do to help us...

Schuyler said...

Thank you for this wonderful post (I thought the last was fabulous as well). I admire all that you have done in dealing with your addiction, and helping other alcoholics in the process. As someone who's grandmother is an ex-alcoholic, I know how damaging addiction can be. Thank you again for all that you do.