Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Essence of being human.

Today, I realize that I've spent the better part of a year unraveling myself to the point that I am standing among proverbial pieces of my life scattered around me.

These pieces, emotions. Anger. Hurt. Happiness. Regret. Heartache. Longing. Love. Like small slips of paper caught up in swirling fury.

I pick and choose each and begin to manifest these emotions.  E-mails unleashing fury. Journal pages filled with regret and sadness. Conversations with glimmers of hope. I tend to focus only on each piece that I am trying so desperately to rectify and make right. I am so busy trying to put all the pieces together, I sometimes forget that I should be focused on the glue that binds them. The acquisition of strength and forgiveness. The process in which we are able to see the entire puzzle, not just each slightly busted element.

And through this, if I sit for a moment and just let myself rest, the pieces begin to fall slightly into place. Imagine that. If I just allow myself a moment to be human, to be still, there is a clarity in where the pieces begin to fall.  I begin to realize that we are all simply human. That the picture is much larger than minute elements and variations and utter unravelings. It's humanity. Life. The very essence of being human.

7 comments:

Mary Nevin said...

beautiful entry. giving yourself the grace to be human is the glue for me, thank you for writing about such a frequent struggle for us in sobriety with such beauty and personalization. my higher power is certainly speaking through you today, you give me hope that i'll be able to continue to rebuild the puzzle one piece at a time and that i'm in good company :)

SoberSannie said...

Amen to that.

poet said...

sometimes, it si when the dust settles that we can take note of things. take special care fo YOU. be gentle with yourself. *gentle hugs* poet.

Addiction Blog - Lee said...

Beautifully said. Isn't it funny how we will sometimes do anything to keep the pieces separate, when all it takes is the space to settle?

Ricky Z's Poetry said...

In rehab. myself. It couldn't be better said. DR. Cragin's HOUR

ellebea Speaks said...

Getting sober and staying sober is a never ending process. After 21 years, I still have days where tears fall, anger, resentment and fear feel like they may swallow me whole. Some days I can't pray, and being still is only a theory. But you're right. Sometimes I can't stand being human and being in my body. It hurts too much.

soberidentity.com said...

Just browsing thru some recovery sites and felt inclined to tell you I like your posts. I resonate to a lot of what you speak of. I know this is an older post, but I have to stop reading now. Just wanted to say hello and let you know I found you. Lisa xo