Thursday, November 29, 2007

Checklist for Early Sobriety

Ok, you've made the decision to get sober. Beside the obvious of not drinking, there are many things to think about to help in early recovery. Below, I've listed a checklist that may help with some ideas. Feel free to add any additional items.

  • Find a recovery program to help in the earliest days. Whatever program you follow, just allowing yourself to learn about being sober and surrounding yourself with sober people can be a big help.
  • Create a resource list. Write out a list of people who you can call when you need someone to talk to, support or just a diversion from your old ways.
  • Look for a good therapist or counselor if you feel it will help.
  • Browse the bookstore and stock up on some good sober books for inspiration.
  • Do an emotional inventory and record how you are feeling each day.
  • Find a new hobby, activity or anything that will keep you out of the bar scene, you'll be amazed at how many things there are to do besides sit at a bar!
  • Find another person in recovery and buddy up with them for support.
  • Journal, journal, journal. I cannot stress how much this helps in early sobriety. I used to write fifteen pages a day, just pouring things out.
  • Grab a paintbrush and be creative. Painting out your emotions is refreshing.
  • Forgive yourself for the past. It's gone, over and you can only move forward at this point.
  • Find some IM buddies from a sober site or group and utilize them as resources (Mine is Yahoo: kjpartstudio)
  • Write down all the things you can do now that you are sober. Pick one each week and do it.
  • Eat well, exercise and watch your sugar during the earliest part of sobriety.
  • Finally, be gentle on yourself. It's a long process, one that is constantly evolving and changing. It's worth it.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Point of Letting Go

I don't really know if my inability to let go completely came early in my childhood or whether it's been formulated from so many years of being emotionally irresponsible. Lately, though, it's another one of those elements in my life that is not so satisfying in its current state.

I keep going back...way back. Was I overly attached to any tangible object? My baby blanket that took me thirty years to finally get rid of? The pictures of people that are no longer in my life stacked in drawers waiting for a moment of weakness to be drearily thumbed through? Or was it losing my family to divorce and my father passing away at the age of 12?

No matter, this inability to let go has absolutely hindered so many opportunities in my life. Relationships that don't work but give me enough peace of mind to hold on to a tiny shred of hope. Thoughts that clutter my already busy head. Feelings of inadequacy and insecurity that stem from my need to squash whatever happiness is around me. I feel as if all of these emotions and actions directly stem from this desire I have to keep negativity grounded within me.

And it's driving me bonkers because as much as I want to let go of all these hindrances, there is a great security in holding everything as tight as possible.

So, what is the secret? Writing it out? I've made my lists. Reading another book? Been there. I think that the secret is really, honestly just letting it go knowing that you can only control yourself. That I am teetering on making a huge life change can only be done if I truly want to and then taking the steps to get EXACTLY what I am after.

I think this may be the mantra for the day since happiness really only does come from within first.

Monday, November 26, 2007

A sigh of relief.....

I have to say, I am thankful that Thanksgiving is over. Made it through unscathed, once again....Hope everyone had a good one.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Thankful for....




Each day, I try to write five things that I am grateful for in my journal. It's one of those exercises that someone suggested about five years ago and amazingly, I have stuck with it and have learned to recognize and appreciate the good things in my life.


Now that Thanksgiving is right around the corner and everything gets a bit more hectic in life, I took a moment this morning to write five things that I am not only grateful for, I am genuinely thankful for.

1. I am sober
2. My brown dog that greets me with the same wagging tail and wet kisses every night
3. My family, those here and not here.
4. That I continue down this path called life with a backpack full of support and creativity
5. The people who are on this journey with me, there are a lot!

I am off for the next few days, so have a happy, sober and wonderful holiday.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Emotional Baggage




Over the last few weeks, I have begun to see the amount of emotional angst that I carry for what it is.


Serious Baggage.

As someone who turned to self medicating at age 12, these unresolved feelings and memories have stayed with me with remarkable clarity over the last 22 years. I feel like I am an emotional pack rat at times as my head is constantly filled with unresolved issues or emotions that I would do anything to carry with me instead of allowing myself to let go. And these conflicting emotions have always been a source of comfort for me. Each time happiness would creep into my life, I've been able to dissipate the joy I may have felt with feelings of inadequacy or self deprecation.

And suddenly, I am tired of it. The boyfriend I dumped in high school who probably was the most stable person I've ever met. The ex husband who lurks around trying to amend a marriage long over. The death of my father. The pain and anguish I caused all the years I was an emotional mess. I swear, I can recall conversations, feelings and even the smells associated with these instances that I very often feel trapped.

But the comfort in these vivid recollections is waning. I have found over the last six years that I have to lose the baggage to be able to start living in reality, because living in the past with all these loose ends isn't conducive to happiness. It's limiting. It's non-essential. And it's just emotional baggage that I need desperately to lighten.

So, today I start my quest in letting go issue by issue. I'm making a list of all the events and unresolved feelings that have accumulated over two decades. I can imagine it will take me a long time and that this list will never end. I'm okay with that. And after I make the list, I'm going to mark down those issues or feelings that are worth resolving or if I just need to acknowledge them, forgive and let go.

I'm starting with a big one. A long overdue letter. I'm sad and it is going to be a painful letter to write. But, life changes and we are the only ones who can dictate where we go...or if we stay in one place, emotionally.

We clean our houses every season to allow for a new perspective. This time, I'm cleaning out the crap so that I am able to allow new experiences and emotions to come in.

And I have great faith that this will work.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Quote of the day.

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
Eleanor Roosevelt

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Some Holiday Shortcuts


As the holiday season comes in a whirlwind, I just wanted to share some tips, shortcuts and ramblings, particularly regarding alcohol, over this time. If you have an additional tips, please feel free to comment.



  • Be thankful you won't have to worry about being pulled over. It's primetime for checkpoints! I usually volunteer to drive to one holiday party and have even been known to throw a tip cup out for laughs (and dollars!).

  • I keep a small list of the five reasons why I am sober in my wallet. Anytime I am faced with a "Sobriety Crisis", I pull it out and read through it.
  • Keep a list of your closest resources handy; friends, relatives, sponsors, etc. Just in case you need to make a phone call

  • A beverage in a wine glass or, even better, a martini glass, makes life a little easier when attending holiday parties and actually leads to less questions.

  • Waking up with no hangover during the holidays means more time to actually enjoy them.

  • For every cash bar you have to attend, put money in a jar that you would have spent and treat yourself to an extra gift.

  • If the family scene is too much, or you generally have angst around the holidays, volunteering during this time is a great way to appreciate where you are.

  • If you are nervous about telling people you are sober, just say "I'm not drinking this evening" Most people don't really care.

  • Stash non-alcoholic beverages in your trunk. I never leave home without Diet Coke.

  • Take a breather, often.

  • And last, allow yourself an out. If you need to leave, just do it. It's ultimately about your well being.

Monday, November 05, 2007

The Burden of Sobriety

I was reading an article in Vanity Fair this weekend regarding a former child star's take of being sober. In a Q&A, Justin Bateman answers a question posed by the reporter:

"Not even a glass of wine?"
"No, not even a little bit. I am just not good at it. Now I run like I am being chased every morning. I don't know what the hell I have become, but it's starting to annoy me. "
http://www.vanityfair.com/fame/features/2007/11/wayne_bateman200711

That last phrase has been ringing in my ears all weekend. "I don't know what the hell I have become, but it's starting to annoy me."

I feel like that often now that the pink cloud of euphoria that comes with early sobriety has lifted.

I constantly question my role in the sober world. I feel like my old life was more reckless, less "heavy" and a bit more carefree. Because, today, my mind rarely gets a break from thinking sober. I live it, write it and breathe all things sober.

And while it is the best thing for me, the best choice I have ever made...it can piss me off on occasion.

Last week, I was at a great event at the Tavern of the Green. Lots of advertising people. Lots of black ties and drinks clinking. In the sea of people drinking red and white wine (they only thing on the tables beside water), I felt as if I were on a different party boat. I watched the bottles being poured. I was very conscious of everyone beginning to loosen up. And I sometimes felt compelled to be even more gregarious or stealth with my diet coke in a wine glass. The funny thing, it's all in my mind. I've created the burden of my own sobriety. People rarely notice what you are drinking or why. It's the ones that become overly intoxicated that make conversation. No one noticed or cared that I didn't drink...but I did, even with years under my belt. And when I got on my train late in the evening, I felt such relief to be done with my bout of fitting in.

And these occasions happen all the time. I have to remind myself that alcohol is not some long lost romance I pine for. That the decisions I have made today will allow me to live a healthy and emotionally gratifying life. Even if that means sacrificing that bit of irresponsibility that could turn a mellow Friday evening into a wild escapade.

There is solace in living life with this burden, it could be worse, it could be the burden of being drunk all the time, which is worse.

But, there are just few times in my week or month, where I have to remind myself that being sober isn't a jail sentence...it's a choice.

And I think I need to take my choices, difficult or not, and learn to laugh the burden off my back every once in a while.

The Last Glass

People have requested that I post this again, I wrote this piece published many times over the years.. I started with twenty-four. Twent...