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The Necessity of Balance

Many years ago, when I first became sober, it was all consuming. Recovering, reading, actively participating in groups, changing, growing, etc etc. I lived and breathed sobriety. As the years went on, the need to strike the balance between being sober and bringing that into my changed life became one of the single most difficult feats faced. It was tough to walk into a room and not declare myself the most sober person in it. Conversely, it was a challenge to be sitting with a therapist trying desperately to convince her that, although sober, I was not like all those "sober" people. The balance swung far left and right on a daily basis. In the end of what I deem sobriety part one, the need to feel as normal as possible led me to the place where the balance just crashed. I relinquished everything I had learned for nine years and walked down a different path for a bit just because I felt like I could. I was bold and justified. Relentless in my pursuit for normalcy,  I spora
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The Last Glass (Republished)

People have requested that I post this again, I wrote this story years ago..... I started with twenty-four. Twenty-four Waterford wine glasses. It was weeks before my wedding to the man I so arduously loved. Some were gifts from my family. Many were gifts from our friends. The blue boxes with white ribbon poured in like the wine collection I so astutely built. I took each one out of the box, unwrapping their delicate tissue. The chardonnay glasses with their spindled stems- as if ready to be caressed by the sophisticated hand. Waiting for the candlelight to pour through, reflecting romantic evenings. The cabernet glasses with their wide mouths waiting for a supple reward. I could tilt the glass back to meet the succulence in my lips. Finally, my most cherished eight..the Bordeaux glasses. They were the generals in my army. The glasses were heavier in weight yet far more elegant than the rest. I sat waiting for the right vintage to begin my revolution. I whimpered when I broke the

Gratuity and Hope

Years ago, when I first started doing a lot of my sober work, I would write down five things I was grateful fo every night. This would include moments in the day, people, places, a smell, a sight, it didn't matter, I would keep a notebook next to my bed and take those three minutes to stop and appreciate the things that happened in my day. A practice that I had long put aside, I have begun to write down both morning AND night about those things that I am grateful for and those things that I am HOPEFUL for within in the day. It's another small step for me on the long path that I've embarked on. It's as if another ray of light has come out to remind me of what I was truly missing in my life. And I embrace this with humility and gratitude.

Who I am

I've looked through every magazine and self help book I've looked through every recovery group and blog Googled myself a million times; sobriety, sobriety girl, recovery, recovering And I still haven't found who I am It will never come to me in a search que, website or fourteen question survey to diagnose my addiction When I reach into my soul Brief times Lately, rare times  I see a glimpse of who I know I can be And hold my breathe Waiting for the day that I release myself from pain The day has come I know who I am And where I belong.

Four Agreements

From the Four Agreements- Everything we do is based on agreements we have made. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, what everyone else is, how to act, what is possible, and what is impossible. What we have agreed to believe creates what we experience. When these agreements come from fear, blocks and obstacles develop keeping us from realizing our greatest potential. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom , the Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives and our work into a new experience of effectiveness, balance and self supporting behavior. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the

Letting Go.

"She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the 'right' reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go. She didn't ask anyone for advice. She didn't read a book on how to let go... She didn't search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right. She didn't promise to let go. She didn't journal about it. She didn't write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn't check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go. She didn't analyze