"When you love someone all your saved-up wishes start coming out."
-Elizabeth Bowen
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Thursday, August 11, 2005
To My Old Friend.
With your grandeur, you see me
Flaxen hair flowing in the wind
Glaring eyes fixated on the world
Once nimble body riddled with the weight of the world
With your tenacity, you challenge me
Biting daggers that sink into supple skin
Flailing thoughts that overshadow reason
Once brilliant mind erroneously rotted
With your boisterous voice, you call me
Shrill notes that burn off the tongue
Gauging words that pierce the unconscious
Once copious soliloquies lay unspoken
With your unyielding stride, you chase me
Oppressive feet that command attention
Twisting steps that wring my very core
Once light as a breeze now still
With your impetuous soul, you leave me
Billowed body sailing through the trees
Floating, floating, floating
Omnipotence traversing above me
With my renewed strength, you left me
Journeying into the unknown
Leaving the shell behind
To repose my own natural instincts
Watching you become smaller
Watching you become less present
I wave goodbye, my friend
I wave goodbye, myself
Flaxen hair flowing in the wind
Glaring eyes fixated on the world
Once nimble body riddled with the weight of the world
With your tenacity, you challenge me
Biting daggers that sink into supple skin
Flailing thoughts that overshadow reason
Once brilliant mind erroneously rotted
With your boisterous voice, you call me
Shrill notes that burn off the tongue
Gauging words that pierce the unconscious
Once copious soliloquies lay unspoken
With your unyielding stride, you chase me
Oppressive feet that command attention
Twisting steps that wring my very core
Once light as a breeze now still
With your impetuous soul, you leave me
Billowed body sailing through the trees
Floating, floating, floating
Omnipotence traversing above me
With my renewed strength, you left me
Journeying into the unknown
Leaving the shell behind
To repose my own natural instincts
Watching you become smaller
Watching you become less present
I wave goodbye, my friend
I wave goodbye, myself
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Crossroads.
Many times in life, many times in sobriety we hit crossroads in our lives. How do we define them within our own lives? How do we decide which way to go?
I pose these questions because I have hit a major crossroad in my life. Which way I am going. Is this the right path? Will the path I chose be in my best interest as a sober woman?
Right before my sobriety, I left a fairly lucrative job. I left my macrocosm and began to weave myself tightly into a secure web. I surrounded myself with support. I left friends, lovers, and acquaintances behind. I brought my life down to a manageable scale. This enabled me to live well. To live sober. I became a large fish in a small pond. I took turns in my life I had no idea existed. I painted. I wrote. I lived through my sobriety with commanding grace and awareness. Yet, through this growth, I suddenly realized that I missed the largeness in my life. I decided I wanted to become a big fish in a big pond. And succeed where I had succeeded before. This time, sober.
And now, here I stand. At a professional and personal crossroad. My life is full. My sobriety has become part of my skin, my beauty in life. Yet, I feel as if my big world is enticing me to return.. Take bigger risks. Go back into a profession I deeply loved. Return to a world I only knew when drinking. And return sober.
Am I strong enough to return back to the pace I kept, the largeness I once embraced while drinking with now sober arms? Can I maintain the integrity and passion I feel for sobriety? Can I walk down this path with new steps?
How do we as sober women deal with the crossroads in our lives? The major decisions that help define our everyday lives? How do we successfully pick the right path without jeopardizing the time we’ve spent securing the road we are on?
I pose these questions because I have hit a major crossroad in my life. Which way I am going. Is this the right path? Will the path I chose be in my best interest as a sober woman?
Right before my sobriety, I left a fairly lucrative job. I left my macrocosm and began to weave myself tightly into a secure web. I surrounded myself with support. I left friends, lovers, and acquaintances behind. I brought my life down to a manageable scale. This enabled me to live well. To live sober. I became a large fish in a small pond. I took turns in my life I had no idea existed. I painted. I wrote. I lived through my sobriety with commanding grace and awareness. Yet, through this growth, I suddenly realized that I missed the largeness in my life. I decided I wanted to become a big fish in a big pond. And succeed where I had succeeded before. This time, sober.
And now, here I stand. At a professional and personal crossroad. My life is full. My sobriety has become part of my skin, my beauty in life. Yet, I feel as if my big world is enticing me to return.. Take bigger risks. Go back into a profession I deeply loved. Return to a world I only knew when drinking. And return sober.
Am I strong enough to return back to the pace I kept, the largeness I once embraced while drinking with now sober arms? Can I maintain the integrity and passion I feel for sobriety? Can I walk down this path with new steps?
How do we as sober women deal with the crossroads in our lives? The major decisions that help define our everyday lives? How do we successfully pick the right path without jeopardizing the time we’ve spent securing the road we are on?
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