Quote of the day.

"When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out."

- Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973)

Six Years

Today, I have hit another milestone in my life. Without much fanfare, without much to do, today is the day six years ago that I changed every aspect of my life.

There is a certain amount of contentment that has begun to creep into my life. I celebrate this day by allowing myself to realize that I have and have had the capability to drastically change variables in my life to live fully and freely of the darkness I have felt.

I believe that the problems, the tragedies and the issues that have always been present in my life, truly manifested themselves into my need to drink. I don't believe that drinking was as much the problem as my need to escape the reality I was fearful of.

Simply, I could not deal with myself. The consequences of this were at times, dire and so deeply self deprecating. So, I drank. And that led to the weeded path of irresponsibility.

Today, after six years, the problems, the issues and the tragedies, still exist. My insecurities and my fears are still present in my life. But, it has been over the last years that I have finally begun allowing them their places in my life and letting go of the pain that I could previously not disassociate.

I am happy. I am content. I am so proud of the awareness that surrounds me. This has come from six years of hard, insightful work to bring out who I fully believe I am and who I continue to aspire to be.

The people in my life who have stood with me, walked with me, tripped with me that make this journey so amazing. I am no longer overwhelmed with sadness, I am truly overwhelmed by appreciation for the life I now live.

Thank you.

Six years.

Awakening

I have had this dormant part of my core, my soul.. that comes from a long life of self deprecation, sadness and sabotages. It's been layered with fear and insecurity. Almost so dormant, I had forgotten those emotions that touch your soul.

And in my recovery, I have become very aware of this missing piece of me. The piece of me that allows happiness and love to flow back and forth, with smalls ebbs instead of tidal waves. The part of me that loves myself first and recognizes the qualities that make me tick. Simply, the dormant part of my core is the true and honest feelings of love.

For the last few years, I have seen myself grow with tremendous leaps and bounds. Yet, I had been living in a state of maintenance, allowing myself to become numb to the true touch of love inside me and the love that comes from others. I needed to hibernate from the emotional intensity I sometimes feel.

Today, I see this awakening. It's a faint glimpse, but the dormancy is dissipating slowly before my eyes. My ability to live my life in love. My ability to leave my life of maintenance for the touch of my own soul. I am truly amazed. And I feel a glimmer of happiness. It makes me smile ever so slighty. I am learning that to love is to touch one's soul and awake everything good and brilliantly alive.

Awakening

It is a gift that we all have that allows us to heal and learn to

Fireside

For the first time in a long time, I have made myself a fire for the evening. I am allowing myself to relax and be content, even if for one night!

And, it's Friday night. Life is good. Have a relaxing weekend.

Quote of the day.

"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.

Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future you will gradually , without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..."

-Ranier Maria Rilke