The Game.

Unable to decide between what is right

And what is wrong

Without parameters

Without definition

I ask for help.

I ask for directions as to how to play this horrible game

That I did not ask to play

Quickly, I am chastised.

Confronted and ready.

For questioning the unwritten rules.

And I falter emotionally.

I am confused.

I am concerned.

I hold fast to this newfound honesty.

I will remain faithful to those I love.

And my love for them is deep.

But, I wonder,

Does this game ever end?

Quote of the week.

"The real questions are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness whether you like it or not, the ones that make your mind start vibrating like a jackhammer, the ones that you "come to terms with" only to discover that they are still there. The real questions refuse to be placated. They barge into your life at the times when it seems most important for them to stay away. They are the questions asked most frequently and answered most inadequately, the ones that reveal their true natures slowly, reluctantly, most often against your will."
-Ingrid Bengis

A moment that changed my tears.

Yesterday, I drove home crying.
I was sad.
I was distraught about life.

Yesterday, the phone kept ringing.
My mother, my friend.
Chattering, chattering, chattering.
While I was consumed with my life.

Yesterday, I sat with a friend.
I was venting.
I was hurting.
I talked his ear off.

Yesterday, the phone rang again.
It was my friend’s mother.
His father had shot himself.

Silence.

One single moment.

Yesterday, I realized,
My worries were no longer significant.
My tears fell quickly for someone else.

Yesterday, he would change.
His father’s life,
Was more significant than the problems
I thought were important.

Yesterday, I sat in silence
As my friend left for his impending doom.

Yesterday, I cried for someone other than myself.
For the first time in five years, I looked to the sky,
And prayed for life.

A Letter.

Dear Life,

I am writing to apologize for neglecting you for the last few years. I am sorry that I have sat on the sideline and watched you go by as I sit in my own frenzy of overcommitment, emotional upheaval and dramatic intervals. So many times, I've missed you. So many times, I've wondered what it would be like to know you again. But, I've had my reasons to keep my distance. I had to go inside of myself and find out why I was put here to begin with.

In the last three years, I've needed the break. Being alone, being a spectator instead of a mad participant has given me the appreciation I once lacked. I now know how important you are to me.

You are the one relationship I cannot ignore. You are the one relationship that I must strive to have consistently in my everyday routine. And you are the one thing I can count on everyday.

So, I am ready to return to the land of the living. I am ready to participate with an open mind and an open heart.

I hope you are ready to jump back in and let me show you who I've become and how much I've changed. I do love you with such passion and zeal, that I couldn't be me without you.

Love,

Kim

Quote of the week.

"Unless you have integrity, being honest means nothing."

In one fleeting moment...

I grew a set of balls.
I decided to grab strength and fly solo.
I let go.
I became THAT woman.

and now...

I am ready.

Quote of the week.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
-Mahatma Gandhi