I'm finally getting my artwork together and have added an album on facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=100616&l=00cef&id=759620569
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Life Ahead
At this very moment, I am sitting here truly feeling a sense of self awareness. The emotions I feel are mixed at this point; Past failures, present life and the future that is before me.
All the pieces are there, it's a matter of allowing them to fall into place. Life is ahead, not behind.
Right now, I am ready for the things that are infinitely possible. Available. There for those who choose to move forward.
I am feeling grateful and my faith is creeping back into my heart.
Thank you.
All the pieces are there, it's a matter of allowing them to fall into place. Life is ahead, not behind.
Right now, I am ready for the things that are infinitely possible. Available. There for those who choose to move forward.
I am feeling grateful and my faith is creeping back into my heart.
Thank you.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
One foot in the past.....
For as long as I can remember, I have always kept one foot in the past, while trying to walk forward in my life.
Given, many of the anchors in our past are good memories, significant events and life lessons. These are things we tend to incorporate into our core being. We thrive on those memories and life events. We smile or laugh.
But, there are times when keeping the past close is more detrimental than character building. I'm guilty. When things get tough, I tend to crawl into the hole of bad memories and pain that I should have left behind years ago. It's always been a comfortable place for me. But, the side effects from this are far reaching. Dwelling, self deprecation, negativity, hindrance.
Not long after I left my ex, a few months ago, I decided that I was moving on...in more ways than one. If I wanted a healthy relationship, I had to let go. If I wanted to be happy, I had to let go. If I didn't, I felt as if I would keep repeating all the patterns in my life, regardless of the fact that I was sober.
And so, I made the decision to take my damn foot out of the past and start moving, I mean really moving, into the future.
Here I am, three months later, in a completely different life emotionally. It's strange how you can make a commitment like that and if followed, actually works! I still have to drag the foot out, particularly when life becomes stressful. But, it's worth it. It's liberating.
So, instead of anchoring life, set it free. Move on, walk on and keep moving forward is my mantra of the week.
Given, many of the anchors in our past are good memories, significant events and life lessons. These are things we tend to incorporate into our core being. We thrive on those memories and life events. We smile or laugh.
But, there are times when keeping the past close is more detrimental than character building. I'm guilty. When things get tough, I tend to crawl into the hole of bad memories and pain that I should have left behind years ago. It's always been a comfortable place for me. But, the side effects from this are far reaching. Dwelling, self deprecation, negativity, hindrance.
Not long after I left my ex, a few months ago, I decided that I was moving on...in more ways than one. If I wanted a healthy relationship, I had to let go. If I wanted to be happy, I had to let go. If I didn't, I felt as if I would keep repeating all the patterns in my life, regardless of the fact that I was sober.
And so, I made the decision to take my damn foot out of the past and start moving, I mean really moving, into the future.
Here I am, three months later, in a completely different life emotionally. It's strange how you can make a commitment like that and if followed, actually works! I still have to drag the foot out, particularly when life becomes stressful. But, it's worth it. It's liberating.
So, instead of anchoring life, set it free. Move on, walk on and keep moving forward is my mantra of the week.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Winter Blahs
On top of on-going recovery, life, work and any other variables that contribute to ones happiness or frustration, I find that this time of year is particularly stressful.
Personally, I've been sick for the last three weeks. At times, really sick. Other times, partially sick. There is no movement, anywhere it seems. It's cold and dark. Snow keeps piling up. Heating bills pile up even quicker. And it seems that it's all just depressed, everywhere.
And there are times that I just feel like crawling in a hole until spring comes.
In reality, even the winter blahs have their advantages. I find this to be a fairly creative time in life. While everything is dormant, we are able to allow ourselves a brief moment of respite from the world. I stay in. I eat comfort food. I raid all my drawers for things to purge. I catch up on all the TV I never watch.
All of this in preparation for a warmer, lighter season. At least in the winter, there are no barbecues to worry about toting along the diet coke. At least now is a time to focus on intimate relationships instead of the roaring days of summer socializing. Walks in the snow can be invigorating. Winter does have some advantages.
And sometimes being near that darkness we feel isn't necessarily a bad thing. It reminds us that we are human. That we have conflict and doubt.
It just allows being sober, being human to seem real.
Now, if it would just get warmer, I could delete this pessimistic post.
Personally, I've been sick for the last three weeks. At times, really sick. Other times, partially sick. There is no movement, anywhere it seems. It's cold and dark. Snow keeps piling up. Heating bills pile up even quicker. And it seems that it's all just depressed, everywhere.
And there are times that I just feel like crawling in a hole until spring comes.
In reality, even the winter blahs have their advantages. I find this to be a fairly creative time in life. While everything is dormant, we are able to allow ourselves a brief moment of respite from the world. I stay in. I eat comfort food. I raid all my drawers for things to purge. I catch up on all the TV I never watch.
All of this in preparation for a warmer, lighter season. At least in the winter, there are no barbecues to worry about toting along the diet coke. At least now is a time to focus on intimate relationships instead of the roaring days of summer socializing. Walks in the snow can be invigorating. Winter does have some advantages.
And sometimes being near that darkness we feel isn't necessarily a bad thing. It reminds us that we are human. That we have conflict and doubt.
It just allows being sober, being human to seem real.
Now, if it would just get warmer, I could delete this pessimistic post.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Quote of the day.
"When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out."
- Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973)
- Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973)
Friday, February 08, 2008
Six Years
Today, I have hit another milestone in my life. Without much fanfare, without much to do, today is the day six years ago that I changed every aspect of my life.
There is a certain amount of contentment that has begun to creep into my life. I celebrate this day by allowing myself to realize that I have and have had the capability to drastically change variables in my life to live fully and freely of the darkness I have felt.
I believe that the problems, the tragedies and the issues that have always been present in my life, truly manifested themselves into my need to drink. I don't believe that drinking was as much the problem as my need to escape the reality I was fearful of.
Simply, I could not deal with myself. The consequences of this were at times, dire and so deeply self deprecating. So, I drank. And that led to the weeded path of irresponsibility.
Today, after six years, the problems, the issues and the tragedies, still exist. My insecurities and my fears are still present in my life. But, it has been over the last years that I have finally begun allowing them their places in my life and letting go of the pain that I could previously not disassociate.
I am happy. I am content. I am so proud of the awareness that surrounds me. This has come from six years of hard, insightful work to bring out who I fully believe I am and who I continue to aspire to be.
The people in my life who have stood with me, walked with me, tripped with me that make this journey so amazing. I am no longer overwhelmed with sadness, I am truly overwhelmed by appreciation for the life I now live.
Thank you.
There is a certain amount of contentment that has begun to creep into my life. I celebrate this day by allowing myself to realize that I have and have had the capability to drastically change variables in my life to live fully and freely of the darkness I have felt.
I believe that the problems, the tragedies and the issues that have always been present in my life, truly manifested themselves into my need to drink. I don't believe that drinking was as much the problem as my need to escape the reality I was fearful of.
Simply, I could not deal with myself. The consequences of this were at times, dire and so deeply self deprecating. So, I drank. And that led to the weeded path of irresponsibility.
Today, after six years, the problems, the issues and the tragedies, still exist. My insecurities and my fears are still present in my life. But, it has been over the last years that I have finally begun allowing them their places in my life and letting go of the pain that I could previously not disassociate.
I am happy. I am content. I am so proud of the awareness that surrounds me. This has come from six years of hard, insightful work to bring out who I fully believe I am and who I continue to aspire to be.
The people in my life who have stood with me, walked with me, tripped with me that make this journey so amazing. I am no longer overwhelmed with sadness, I am truly overwhelmed by appreciation for the life I now live.
Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)