Thursday, June 16, 2005

Walking in Sober Shoes.

When I first came into recovery in 2002, I manifested my addiction for alcohol into an addiction for buying shoes. For months in my early sobriety, I would scour the Internet for shoes. Used shoes. New Shoes. Ferragamo. Prada. Keds. Gucci. Anything. I quickly filled my closet with over fifty pairs.

And now, over three years later, I face the arduous task of throwing out my obsession from the beginning days of trying to walk in a different life. Most, if not all, of the shoes sit collecting dust in the bottom of my closet. A box sits outside waiting to go to the nearest Thrift Store for some other person's obsession. And the pure silliness of it makes me ponder why I was buying so frivolously

I think back to those early days. The times where I was trying so damn hard to do anything besides drink. Maybe it was an indication that I was trying to embark on a new path in life. Perhaps it was a hope that I was normal. That buying shoes would somehow ease the rough road I was faced with.

Today, I laugh at my insane shopping spree. To see a collection of my early days of sobriety makes me appreciate where I am today. These days, the only shoes I look to fill are sober shoes.

My sober shoes aren’t too hard to fill. I walk miles and miles through my life as a sober woman. I tread lightly on those paths that are painful and walk slowly through the magnificent times in my life. My steps are steadier than they were three years ago but every once in a while, I trip a bit on my journey. But, my sober shoes fit me to a tee. They are more comfortable than any other pair I have owned. They are slightly worn but sturdy. And I am able to travel well in my sober life.

And it represents how we do walk in this journey. That my shoes may be different than yours, but we all continue on this recovery path. It's a walk that I am grateful to be doing everyday of my life. Each day are new steps. Each mile is a battle won.

So, I no longer need the ridiculous culmination of my early recovery. I'm over it. Shoes are shoes and my dog eats most of them anyway. So, if anyone is looking for gently used size 9US Jimmy Choos, let me know, they are still in the box. I have my own pair that have grown into the perfect fit.