Monday, June 09, 2008

When life hurts.

Over the last five days, I have felt a tremendous amount of stress. The car broke down to the tune of $5,000. Dating is ridiculous. People bother me. Others lie. I felt hurt. It's hot and miserable. The economy is getting worse. I'm feeling angst on just about every level, in every way.



All of these things seem to snowball and create MORE stress because I let it. It's hard to rationalize all of the emotions and particulars when you just feel like you've been beaten down by just about everything and everyone.



AND, all of these stress events typically make me dig really deep into the hole that I find remarkably safe and dark. I will ignore everyone until I can get it straight. I do not return phone calls. I just exist in my own little world feeling absolutely pathetic. Today, I've never wanted to get out of this hole more in my life. I'm tired of letting my emotions get the better of me. The self deprecation. The serious self loathing that I feel because of things I cannot control. The whole process is truly daunting.



The funny thing is that during some of this stress, I overlooked one of the greatest days I've had in a long time. I was so inside myself, I barely saw the nature that surrounds me. I could only muster simple conversation with someone I care about. I just felt numb.


So, my thought today is that there comes a time to get out of the hole, even when things are at their worst. We are alive. We sometimes have to OVERLOOK the small stuff and realize that life is so much bigger and better. I have this picture below, to remind me that I had a wonderful time yesterday. That all the stress will work itself out.



And today, I am trying so hard to do so.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can relate.

Hang in there.

You are going to be OK.

; )

Anonymous said...

I can relate. A lot.

Hang in there.

You are going to be OK.

Don't stay in the hole so long that you miss all the beautiful things going on above ground.

Anonymous said...

I've been in that hole for a long, long time now. Except mine has a lot to do with a long, slow slide back from 3 years sobriety into daily using and completely f**king up my life again and absolutely hating myself for it the whole time. I want to believe I'll be okay-I've accomplished so much and worked so hard to just let this demon take it all away again. IT HURTS SO BAD TO LIVE SOMETIMES.