Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Life: The Five Year Plan.

Last night the man in my life asked where I see myself in five years. Five years? Ouch.

Five years from now, I can hope to be many things. I can hope to be sober, successful and true to my beliefs. I can aspire to be more comfortable in my own skin. I can dream about working portionately less and playing considerably more. I can hope and aspire to a time five years from now, but will it matter when it's today that really counts?

Where will I be? Who will I be? The more important question is that wherever I am, at that point in my life, will I be living to my fullest capacity? Am I bringing the most to my life today, tomorrow AND five years from now?

So, I sat down and thought about a five year plan. I wrote feverishly this morning....goal setting, planning, categorizing my life on one 5x7 piece of journal paper. I wrote down all the scenarios I could see myself in...and all the ones I could not. I made a list of the people I wanted in my life and the people to take off the Christmas list. I thought about money I may make and the money I may spend on various personal amenitites. I may be with my man. I may not. The possibilities seem endless to me at this point, where once they were limited.

And then it hit me. I can plan to my heart's content but life is unpredictable. Perhaps I will finally teach in Ghana. Perhaps I will be strong and woman enough to get all the things that I want on my list. Perhaps I will not even live to see five years from now....Perhaps is not a word I find favorably in my personal dicitionary. To me, "perhaps" is an excuse. "I will" becomes my mantra.

In five years, I will be flying out of the holding pattern I sometimes find myself in. In five years, I will continue the plan that includes living in the present. In five years, I will still not be able to take back the past and predict the future.

So, five years from now, I may be living in a different place or I may have different people in my life, but I will still be the woman I am today.....perhaps with some more gray hair, but very much of the same determination and will to live life.

1 comment:

Polar Bear said...

Sounds as though you are a very strong and courageous woman.

Trust that in 5 years you will still be the same woman you are... with the same determination and will to live.

But live now, and enjoy it to the fullest because all we do have is the present.