Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Four Years.

Here I am, sitting in my office and suddenly it hit me. I mean, HIT ME. Today is my fourth year of being sober.

I frantically begin to try and recall all the moments I have had in the last years milestones; Year One, I threw myself a party. The second, I got the tattoo I had always wanted. The third, I spent mourning my former not so sober life. And in the blink of an eye, I am at year four.

At this milestone in my sobriety, I feel a great amount of appreciation for where I am. My past has become just that, my past. Life these days seem to be moments in which I am learning to appreciate the present in great stride.

I made a decision four years ago and every single day, I find myself reinforcing this decision in varying degrees:

I recall one moment this summer where I was ready to cash in all my sober chips for a reprieve from the emotion that sometimes overwhelm me.

Another moment this year, I sat on the porch of the house I shared with my former husband and cried for the time I had spent in such turmoil. And I mourned the loss of love gone bad.

One day, I cheerfully proclaimed that being sober was the best thing in life only to counter this proclamation a few hours later with a tirade about how horrible it is not to be able to drink.

A few weeks ago, I wept with joy because I had actually stuck to such a profound decision with tenacity. Something I would never had dreamed of years ago.

And that leads me to my four year milestone. The party was had, the token tattoo, the grief. Today, I will let this milestone pass without the hoopla (save for this post). It's another day in my life, one that I am grateful for and one that I am reminded of where I am in my life today.

Sobriety weaves in and out of the emotional fabric that makes up everyday life. Some days, I find snags. Other days, I find patterns I didn't know existed. It's all a mesh of moments, both good and bad, that I find keep my sobriety from become tattered. I appreciate the intricacies and continue to mend those holes that still exist.

So, today, I thank myself for every one of those moments in the past year that bring me to another milestone. I thank all the people I love, I've lost, I've forgiven. For all the moments this year, I am appreciative.

8 comments:

Rex said...

Way to Go! Four years - that is awesome! Keep on keeping on.....

Anonymous said...

I am so proud of you.
Love you,
Jenny

CMD said...

congrats to you, sobriety girl...i share in the joy of your accomplishment, not because i'm a recovering alcoholic, but because i am a survivor of a different kind...kudos!

JJ said...

Wow sista - four years - that is awesome! Way to go!
I see you,
JJ

Anonymous said...

What a great post! Congratulations on 4 years! As I approach my 1st sobriety birthday, thank you for sharing your insight and offering perspective.

Anonymous said...

Hello my old cobber...
I am so proud and happy for you ..
You have always been a great inspiration to me.. and I wish you all the very best in the coming year..
Wendy in Oz

poet said...

flying through sober blogger sites, i found yours. congratulations on four years. i had three years on feb 18th, and it is great. all the very best to you. enjoy the feeling of accomplishment, i know i do.

Anonymous said...

Four years!! Everywhere I go today, people are celebrating anniversaries! Congratulations, and all else I can say is I HOPE with all my heart to be where you are and have learned what you know by that time!

The Last Glass

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