The other night, I had one of the most vivid dreams about drinking. It was intense. I could taste the alcohol in my semi-conscious state and actually woke up thinking that I was intoxicated.
It was so very strange, considering I don't necessarily remember what it feels like to be drunk. There were people around me and I was acting very much like I did as a drinking person.
So, I have been attempting to analyze WHY I was having such a vivid recollection of a time long gone and I came up with some key points.
When we are sober and we undergo any kind of life change, such as I did this weekend, moving and ending a long relationship, there are times when our dreams serve as a kind of subconscious therapist. I feared the move, I feared the break-up and was honestly scared of being alone again. In my dream, I was with my ex and acting out desperately to try and fix our relationship. Of course, in my dream, he was having no part of this due to my behavior. In reality, it was me who made the decision to leave. But, I still feel very responsible for a lot of the demise and I think this guilt may have manifested itself into such vivid images.
When we are sober, dreaming about drinking or being intoxicated is quite common. You've made the decision to stop drinking but the fact that being sober or alcohol is on the brain 24/7 may be a contributing factor.
We're human. Most of us dream. If I drink coffee before I go to bed, I am sure to have tumultuous dream. Perhaps its something chemical in the brain.
I was really spooked when I woke up. For a brief moment, my stress culminated into my past and it scared me awake. Plus, I was in a new house...new surroundings, new bed, new smells.
I've decided to write out the dream in my journal to keep a record of when events like this happen, it intrigues me. It's one of those things we can't control but can use to have yet another perspective on being sober.
3 comments:
Hi Kim,
I've finally figured out my password!!! Anyway, you are going through so much and sound like you're handling it all by handling it all! The Company Party really resonated with me.....I had my first sober Company Party with my husband in December.....got through it on my terms and had a ball. It's funny though, for all of my first sober events in the last 13 weeks, I've noticed that the people who "notice" that I don't drink are in fact people that I know drink too much. When I drank and someone I knew quit, I was very intrigued......b/c I wanted their secret. Last night at dinner with neighbors (big drinking trigger) my sobriety was the topic of conversation and almost everyone at that table expressed a wish to not drink anymore.
Here's to fresh starts in the New Year, Kim.
for me sobriety is a manifestation of freedom
My mom is 9 weeks in sobriety and had the exact same episode. Woke up very upset thinking she'd relapsed even though she hadn't. Crazy how the mind works and so glad she's not the only one who had that happen. Thanks for the post! (although it's about 5 years old now haha).
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