On top of on-going recovery, life, work and any other variables that contribute to ones happiness or frustration, I find that this time of year is particularly stressful.
Personally, I've been sick for the last three weeks. At times, really sick. Other times, partially sick. There is no movement, anywhere it seems. It's cold and dark. Snow keeps piling up. Heating bills pile up even quicker. And it seems that it's all just depressed, everywhere.
And there are times that I just feel like crawling in a hole until spring comes.
In reality, even the winter blahs have their advantages. I find this to be a fairly creative time in life. While everything is dormant, we are able to allow ourselves a brief moment of respite from the world. I stay in. I eat comfort food. I raid all my drawers for things to purge. I catch up on all the TV I never watch.
All of this in preparation for a warmer, lighter season. At least in the winter, there are no barbecues to worry about toting along the diet coke. At least now is a time to focus on intimate relationships instead of the roaring days of summer socializing. Walks in the snow can be invigorating. Winter does have some advantages.
And sometimes being near that darkness we feel isn't necessarily a bad thing. It reminds us that we are human. That we have conflict and doubt.
It just allows being sober, being human to seem real.
Now, if it would just get warmer, I could delete this pessimistic post.
4 comments:
Oh Kim,
I hope you are feeling better and congratulations on 6 years!! I understand.....I have the February's myself....I had surgery last week on a nasty cancer thingy on my back and now have 30 stitches to contend with.....I'm grateful not to have medicated with chardonnay, but I've probably eaten every M&M in the Hudson Valley! I miss my yoga practice and can't wait for the bloody stitches to be out next week. Soooo.......I feel like I need a dose of the gratefuls.....
reasons to be cheerful....
1)no more drunk
2)chocolate
3)women's writers group
4)March
5)meditation
6)comfort
7)pity present - newly purchased chocolate (ha) tall Sized 10 Uggs
8) Family * Friends
9)Books
10)magazines
11)Upcoming spring break trip to Sedona, AZ and the Grand Canyon (someplace I wasn't into visiting when I was drinking b/c I'm pretty sure there's not a bar there :)
well I'm home this sunny, summer weekend with a flu... so there is always someone sharing the shady periods with you somewhere in the world! ;) Here's hoping there is more sparkle and light in yr world soon.x
hi, just stumbled across your blog via another recovery site - very inspirational! beautiful writing, as well. it always helps to know the mind of another recovering alcoholic. keep it up!
robin
I enjoy the winter, also, because March brings sunshine, green grass...and warmer weather. It's also the month that I celebrate my sober birthday (2 years this month)...so it's a nice association to have. :)
It's still pretty cold here in Michigan despite it being spring. :-P
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