Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Crossroads.

Many times in life, many times in sobriety we hit crossroads in our lives. How do we define them within our own lives? How do we decide which way to go?

I pose these questions because I have hit a major crossroad in my life. Which way I am going. Is this the right path? Will the path I chose be in my best interest as a sober woman?

Right before my sobriety, I left a fairly lucrative job. I left my macrocosm and began to weave myself tightly into a secure web. I surrounded myself with support. I left friends, lovers, and acquaintances behind. I brought my life down to a manageable scale. This enabled me to live well. To live sober. I became a large fish in a small pond. I took turns in my life I had no idea existed. I painted. I wrote. I lived through my sobriety with commanding grace and awareness. Yet, through this growth, I suddenly realized that I missed the largeness in my life. I decided I wanted to become a big fish in a big pond. And succeed where I had succeeded before. This time, sober.

And now, here I stand. At a professional and personal crossroad. My life is full. My sobriety has become part of my skin, my beauty in life. Yet, I feel as if my big world is enticing me to return.. Take bigger risks. Go back into a profession I deeply loved. Return to a world I only knew when drinking. And return sober.

Am I strong enough to return back to the pace I kept, the largeness I once embraced while drinking with now sober arms? Can I maintain the integrity and passion I feel for sobriety? Can I walk down this path with new steps?

How do we as sober women deal with the crossroads in our lives? The major decisions that help define our everyday lives? How do we successfully pick the right path without jeopardizing the time we’ve spent securing the road we are on?

8 comments:

Trudging said...

Pray and call your sponser.

Grace said...

YOU could move a mountain Lady, go for it! You have enough sobriety to know if its being comprimised by work pressures? Good luck with whatever you decide ;-)

Golightly said...

Sobriety Girl, from what I have read you are powerful, strong, insightful and well aware of your strengths and weaknesses. You can do what ever your heart desires. (that being my favorite words from my spiritual guides in this program of recovery) People always tell me "God doesn't let you desire such wonderful things if it is impossible to achieve". I love when people tell me things like that. I have been sober for some time now, I have worked in everything from fast food to being a program director of a women's substance abuse program. What blessings each experience brought. It brought strength, helped me grow and pushed me so that I was not tempted to stay put. Were any of the many career choices that I've tried been what I wanted? Well, at the time they were, and oh how I am grateful for each one of them. Pieces of me that I didn't know came shining through in every situation. This is what I like about the journey the most, seeing myself in every situation. Pain, sorrow, laughter, joy, peace, courage, BRING IT ON, I love it. I would have never known those quiet parts of my soul, had I not tried. I too am at a cross roads, and am making new career choices. I no longer enjoy what I was doing, and choose to take a different path. When I was a little girl I dreamed (like most children do) I wanted to be a race car driver, a nurse, a lawyer, a mommy, a princess, a mechanic, an actor, a writer and so much more. At this rate... I will be all of them, just like I dreamed. How cool would that be? hehe.
How do I stay sober? I just don't care to use ever again. Because if I am asleep, I miss the beauty in knowing myself, God and all of the wonderful people that walk with me in this lifetime. I slept for 21 years, I should be well rested and ready to do whatever I desire. I wish you well Sobriety Girl, and hope that you do what ever makes your heart happy...
Love and Light Ami

NMAMFQLMSH said...

Hi BlueSky Gal - Take the leap. You have enough soberity under your belt. I waited almost a full year before I decided to quit one of my jobs. Best decision I've ever made. Dream as if you'll live forever. Life as if you'll die today.
Peace,
JJ

soberInsanity said...

take your higher power, your vigilance and your sponsor with you on this journey and you should be ok. great blog. keep coming.

soberInsanity

Anonymous said...

Wishing you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

Namenlosen Trinker

johno said...

"Act as if" you are going to change path, seek out all options, do the research, apply for it. No harm in applying. Give yourself maximum choice. You can always change your mind later, decide not to change, if you dont like what you find.

Put in the footwork & let go of the outcome.

KD said...

Hmm, I'm at the other end. Deciding whether my current career gives me too much freedom to indulge my habits. And in sales, socializing is encouraged and puts me in places I shouldnt be if I want to do this.

I need a smaller pond. And supportive fishes. I'm going to the first meeting tonight.